I was gasping for a cigarette and I was afraid I was never going to get past this stage. The whyquit website resets people's counters back to day one when they break down and smoke "just one" or take a replacement. But this is my website so I'm going to celebrate! I hate being addicted to it. I've missed so much in life because of smoking. Being so anxious over at visits to friends that I couldn't enjoy myself because my whole day was timed around the "first one".
Not going to places because I couldn't smoke there. Being foggy and ill with constant sinus problems. Not being able to be fully creative in my studio because of the background concern of lowering nicotine levels in my brain taking up unconscious and then conscious mental space. The fact that I don't have health insurance and smoking is like russian roulette for someone with my genetic background. (My poor grandma was so sick with cancer, her cancer had cancer, practically :( )
Now I'm back to my childhood addiction. Eating pretzels in a ritualistic manner that involves carefully nibbling off the round parts and then eating the remaining triangle.
Anyway.
Thanks for letting me share.
MPK
3 comments:
I am so happy you are taking this on! (I never knew you smoked.) This will be a difficult and satisfying achievement when you finally beat it, and it says a lot about your mettle that you are attacking the addiction.
My wife had quit when we started dating, but after an extended trip to England she picked it up again. It was horrible, since smoking is pretty much a deal-killer for me. My only condition of us getting married was that she quit.
It was hard for a while, and we spent like a thousand bucks on the nicotine gum, which she also had to quit eventually because it as jacking up her gums.
Eventually, though, the smell of cigarette smoke no longer caused cravings -- in fact, it hits her now the way it does me.
Her mom smokes like crazy and she can't smell it. She doesn't get that it permeates just everything. And she keeps giving our son clothes that she's carefully washed and ironed, and then takes it as a personal insult when we immediately cart it out to the garage and chuck it in the washer.
Cigarettes are a mighty addiction. Not just the nicotine -- the cigarettes themselves. I know it was really hard for her to be places where she was nervous or shy (pretty much anywhere) and no longer had anything to do with her hands.
I totally hear you about how much of your life is steered by the cigarettes. I took a trip to tahoe with wife and two other smokers and the whole damn trip was organized around how, where and when they would get their cigarette breaks. If we were considering an activity but the smoke breaks seemed too difficult to manage, the *activity* was deemed "a pain in the ass" and skipped altogether... Hopelessly in the minority, I was unable to point out that their *addiction* was the pain in the ass and could we skip *that* altogether...
Anyway, mazel tov -- stick with it, get on top of it any way you can. Unlike, say, most cases f alcoholism, there will come a point where you no longer want them and you will feel so free!
--Mike Jennings
Yay!
Thanks Mike for the attaboy! It was hard and my resolve (never too strong) has been severely tested.
I actually started smoking in grad school 10 years ago. I could smoke and take it or leave it. Then 7 years ago Alex moved in and I had constant access to free smokes and that did me in. I HAD to have my ciggies to exist.
Then 2 months ago our friends had to travel down here for a meeting and they have dogs with separation anxiety, so they offered to put us in a sweet hotel room at Fisherman's Wharf with room service on them so we could dog sit.
We thought, what the hell...nice deal. Then we found out they are totally non-smoking in the whole hotel. I panicked and freaked out that I couldn't smoke.
That's when I went "Ya know, this is totally dumb." So that night I went cold turkey and started the Journey to The Center of My Brain.
;)
I've had some Trainspotting moments .
I can relate to your wife on the shy part for real. Giving up is hard because of the social aspect, too. Even if you're shy you've got something in common with the guys/gals on the back patio.
MPK
Congratulations on overcoming this addiction Michelle. Your health is so important to all of us. We are cheering you on.
Your grandmother would be proud.
I have watched you beat this demon and you are my hero.
Kathy Lowney
K2
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